4 breaking dawn破晓-第54章

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normal　person。　Not　when　I　was　bleeding　over　someone　else。　Maybe—if　it　was　ten　years　from　now　and　
Bella's　heart　was　long　dead　and　I'd　hauled　myself　through　the　whole　grieving　process　and　e　out　in　
one　piece　again—maybe　then　I　could　offer　Lizzie　a　ride　in　a　fast　car　and　talk　makes　and　models　and　get　



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to　know　something　about　her　and　see　if　I　liked　her　as　a　person。　But　that　wasn't　going　to　happen　now。　

Magic　wasn't　going　to　save　me。　I　was　just　going　to　have　to　take　the　torture　like　a　man。　Suck　it　up。　

Lizzie　waited；　maybe　hoping　I　was　going　to　offer　her　that　ride。　Or　maybe　not。　

〃I'd　better　get　this　car　back　to　the　guy　I　borrowed　it　from；〃　I　muttered。　

She　smiled　again。　〃Glad　to　hear　you're　going　straight。〃　

〃Yeah；　you　convinced　me。〃　

She　watched　me　get　in　the　car；　still　sort　of　concerned。　I　probably　looked　like　someone　who　was　about　
to　drive　off　a　cliff。　Which　maybe　I　would've；　if　that　kind　of　move'd　work　for　a　werewolf。　She　waved　
once；　her　eyes　trailing　after　the　car。　

At　first；　I　drove　more　sanely　on　the　way　back。　I　wasn't　in　a　rush。　I　didn't　want　to　go　where　I　was　going。　
Back　to　that　house；　back　to　that　forest。　Back　to　the　pain　I'd　run　from。　Back　to　being　absolutely　alone　
with　it。　

Okay；　that　was　melodramatic。　I　wouldn't　be　all　alone；　but　that　was　a　bad　thing。　Leah　and　Seth　would　
have　to　suffer　with　me。　I　was　glad　Seth　wouldn't　have　to　suffer　long。　Kid　didn't　deserve　to　have　his　peace　
of　mind　ruined。　Leah　didn't；　either；　but　at　least　it　was　something　she　understood。　Nothing　new　about　pain　
for　Leah。　

I　sighed　big　as　I　thought　about　what　Leah　wanted　from　me；　because　I　knew　now　that　she　was　going　to　
get　it。　I　was　still　pissed　at　her；　but　I　couldn't　ignore　the　fact　that　i　could　make　her　life　easier。　And—now　
that　I　knew　her　better—I　thought　she　would　probably　do　this　for　me；　if　our　positions　were　reversed。　

It　would　be　interesting；　at　the　very　least；　and　strange；　too；　to　have　Leah　as　a　panion—as　a　friend。　
We　were　going　to　get　under　each　other's　skin　a　lot；　that　was　for　sure。　She　wouldn't　be　one　to　let　me　
wallow；　but　I　thought　that　was　a　good　thing。　I'd　probably　need　someone　to　kick　my　butt　now　and　then。　
But　when　it　came　right　down　to　it；　she　was　really　the　only　friend　who　had　any　chance　of　understanding　
what　I　was　going　through　now。　

I　thought　of　the　hunt　this　morning；　and　how　close　our　minds　had　been　for　that　one　moment　in　time。　It　
hadn't　been　a　bad　thing。　Different。　A　little　scary；　a　little　awkward。　But　also　nice　in　a　weird　way。　

I　didn't　have　to　be　all　alone。　

And　I　knew　Leah　was　strong　enough　to　face　with　me　the　months　that　were　ing。　Months　and　years。　It　
made　me　tired　to　think　about　it。　I　felt　like　I　was　staring　out　across　an　ocean　that　I　was　going　to　have　to　
swim　from　shore　to　shore　before　I　could　rest　again。　

So　much　time　ing；　and　then　so　little　time　before　it　started。　Before　I　was　flung　into　that　ocean。　Three　
and　a　half　more　days；　and　here　I　was；　wasting　that　little　bit　of　time　I　had。　

I　started　driving　too　fast　again。　

I　saw　Sam　and　Jared；　one　on　either　side　of　the　road　like　sentinels；　as　I　raced　up　the　road　toward　Forks。　
They　were　well　hidden　in　the　thick　branches；　but　I　was　expecting　them；　and　I　knew　what　to　look　for。　I　



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nodded　as　I　blew　past　them；　not　bothering　to　wonder　what　they　made　of　my　day　trip。　

I　nodded　to　Leah　and　Seth；　too；　as　I　cruised　up　the　Cullens'　driveway。　It　was　starting　to　get　dark；　and　
the　clouds　were　thick　on　this　side　of　the　sound；　but　I　saw　their　eyes　glitter　in　the　glow　of　the　headlights。　I　
would　explain　to　them　later。　There'd　be　plenty　of　time　for　that。　

It　was　a　surprise　to　find　Edward　waiting　for　me　in　the　garage。　I　hadn't　seen　him　away　from　Bella　in　days。　
I　could　tell　from　his　face　that　nothing　bad　had　happened　to　her。　In　fact；　he　looked　more　peaceful　than　
before。　My　stomach　tightened　as　I　remembered　where　that　peace　came　from。　

It　was　too　bad　that—with　all　my　brooding—I'd　forgotten　to　wreck　the　car。　Oh　well。　I　probably　wouldn't　
have　been　able　to　stand　hurting　this　car；　anyway。　Maybe　he'd　guessed　as　much；　and　that's　why　he'd　lent　
it　to　me　in　the　first　place。　

〃A　few　things；　Jacob；〃　he　said　as　soon　as　I　cut　the　engine。　

I　took　a　deep　breath　and　held　it　for　a　minute。　Then；　slowly；　I　got　out　of　the　car　and　threw　the　keys　to　
him。　

〃Thanks　for　the　loan；〃　I　said　sourly。　Apparently；　it　would　have　to　be　repaid。　〃What　do　you　want　now？〃　

〃Firstly。。。　I　know　how　averse　you　are　to　using　your　authority　with　your　pack；　but。。。〃　

I　blinked；　astonished　that　he　would　even　dream　of　starting　in　on　this　one。　〃What？〃　

〃If　you　can't　or　won't　control　Leah；　then　I—〃　

〃Leah？〃　I　interrupted；　speaking　through　my　teeth。　〃What　happened？〃　

Edward's　face　was　hard。　〃She　came　up　to　see　why　you'd　left　so　abruptly。　I　tried　to　explain。　I　suppose　it　
might　not　have　e　out　right。〃　

〃What　did　she　do？〃　

〃She　phased　to　her　human　form　and—〃　

〃Really？〃　I　interrupted　again；　shocked　this　time。　I　couldn't　process　that。　Leah　letting　her　guard　down　right　
in　the　mouth　of　the　enemy's　lair？　

〃She　wanted　to。。。　speak　to　Bella。〃　

〃To　Bella？〃　

Edward　got　all　hissy　then。　〃I　won't　let　Bella　be　upset　like　that　again。　I　don't　care　how　justified　Leah　
thinks　she　is！　I　didn't　hurt　her—of　course　I　wouldn't—but　I'll　throw　her　out　of　the　house　if　it　happens　
again。　I'll　launch　her　right　across　the　river—〃　

〃Hold　on。　What　did　she　say？〃　None　of　this　was　making　any　sense。　

Edward　took　a　deep　breath；　posing　himself。　〃Leah　was　unnecessarily　harsh。　I'm　not　going　to　pretend　
that　I　understand　why　Bella　is　unable　to　let　go　of　you；　but　I　do　know　that　she　does　not　behave　this　way　to　



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hurt　you。　She　suffers　a　great　deal　over　the　pain　she's　inflicting　on　you；　and　on　me；　by　asking　you　to　stay。　
What　Leah　said　was　uncalled　for。　Bella's　been　crying—〃　

〃Wait—Leah　was　yelling　at　Bella　about　me？〃　

He　nodded　one　sharp　nod。　〃You　were　quite　vehemently　championed。〃　

Whoa。　〃I　didn't　ask　her　to　do　that。〃　

〃I　know。〃　

I　rolled　my　eyes。　Of　course　he　knew。　He　knew　everything。　

But　that　was　really　something　about　Leah。　Who　would　have　believed　it？　Leah　walking　into　the　
bloodsuckers'　place　human　to　plain　about　how　was　being　treated。　

〃I　can't　promise　to　control　Leah；〃　I　told　him。　〃I　won't　do　that。　But　I'll　talk　to　her；　okay？　And　I　don't　think　
there'll　be　a　repeat。　Leah's　not　one　to　hold　back；　so　she　probably　got　it　all　off　her　chest　today。〃　

〃I　would　say　so。〃　

〃Anyway；　I'll　talk　to　Bella　about　it；　too。　She　doesn't　need　to　feel　bad。　This　one's　on　me。〃　

〃I　already　told　her　that。〃　

〃Of　course　you　did。　Is　she　okay？〃　

〃She's　sleeping　now。　Rose　is　with　her。〃　

So　the　psycho　was　〃Rose〃　now。　He'd　pletely　crossed　over　to　the　dark　side。　

He　ignored　that　thought；　continuing　with　a　more　plete　answer　to　my　question。　〃She's。。。　better　in　
some　ways。　Aside　from　Leah's　tirade　and　the　resulting　guilt。〃　

Better。　Because　Edward　was　hearing　the　monster　and　everything　was　all　loveydovey　now。　Fantastic。　

〃It's　a　bit　more　than　that；〃　he　murmured。　〃Now　that　I　can　make　out　the　child's　thoughts；　it's　apparent　that　
he　or　she　has　remarkably　developed　mental　facilities。　He　can　understand　us；　to　an　extent。〃　

My　mouth　fell　open。　〃Are　you　serious？〃　

〃Yes。　He　seems　to　have　a　vague　sense　of　what　hurts　her　now。　He's　trying　to　avoid　that；　as　much　as　
possible。　He。。。　loves　her。　Already。〃　

I　stared　at　Edward；　feeling　sort　of　like　my　eyes　might　pop　out　of　their　sockets。　Underneath　that　disbelief；　
I　could　see　right　away　that　this　was　the　critical　factor。　This　was　what　had　changed　Edward—that　the　
monster　had　convinced　him　of　this　love。　He　couldn't　hate　what　loved　Bella。　It　was　probably　why　he　
couldn't　hate　me；　either。　There　was　a　big　

difference；　though。　I　wasn't　killing　her。　




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Edward　went　on；　acting　like　he　hadn't　heard　all　that。　〃The　progress；　I　believe；　is　more　than　we'd　judged。　
When　Carlisle　returns—〃　

〃They're　not　back？〃　I　cut　in　sharply。　I　thought　of　Sam　and　Jared；　watching　the　road。　Would　they　get　
curious　as　to　what　was　going　on？　

〃Alice　and　Jasper　are。　Carlisle　sent　all　the　blood　he　was　able　to　acquire；　but　it　wasn't　as　much　as　he　was　
hoping　for—Bella　will　use　up　this　supply　in　another　day　the　way　her　appetite　has　grown。　Carlisle　stayed　
to　try　another　source。　I　don't　think　that's　necessary　now；　but　he　wants　to　be　covered　for　any　eventuality。〃　

〃Why　isn't　it　necessary？　If　she　needs　more？〃　

I　could　tell　he　was　watching　and　listening　to　my　reaction　carefully　as　he　explained。　Tm　trying　to　persuade　
Carlisle　to　deliver　the　baby　as　soon　as　he　is　back。〃　

〃What？〃　

〃The　child　seems　to　be　attempting　to　avoid　rough　movements；　but　it's　difficult。　He's　bee　too　big。　It's　
madness　to　wait；　when　he's　clearly　developed　beyond　what　Carlisle　had　guessed。　Bella's　too　fragile　to　
delay。〃　

I　kept　g