4 breaking dawn破晓-第74章

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gently　through　each　of　her　curls。　It　felt　nice。　

Carlisle　and　his　tape　measure；　knowing　she　had　to　stretch　and　be　still。　It　was　not　interesting　to　her。　

〃It　looks　like　she's　going　to　give　you　a　rundown　of　everything　you　missed；〃　Edward　mented　in　my　
ear。　

My　nose　wrinkled　as　she　dumped　the　next　one　on　me。　The　smell　ing　from　a　strange　metal　cup　
—hard　enough　not　to　be　bitten　through　easily—sent　a　flash　burn　through　my　throat。　Ouch。　

And　then　Renesmee　was　out　of　my　arms；　which　were　pinned　behind　my　back。　I　didn't　struggle　with　



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Jasper；　I　just　looked　at　Edward's　frightened　face。　

〃What　did　I　do？〃　

Edward　looked　at　Jasper　behind　me；　and　then　at　me　again。　

〃But　she　was　remembering　being　thirsty；〃　Edward　muttered；　his　forehead　pressing　into　lines。　〃She　was　
remembering　the　taste　of　human　blood。〃　

Jasper's　arms　pulled　mine　tighter　together。　Part　of　my　head　noted　that　this　wasn't　particularly　
unfortable；　let　alone　painful；　as　it　would　have　been　to　a　human。　It　was　just　annoying。　I　was　sure　I　
could　break　his　hold；　but　I　didn't　fight　it。　

〃Yes；〃　I　agreed。　〃And？〃　

Edward　frowned　at　me　for　a　second　more；　and　then　his　expression　loosened。　He　laughed　once。　〃And　
nothing　at　all；　it　seems。　The　overreaction　is　mine　this　time。　Jazz；　let　her　go。〃　

The　binding　hands　disappeared。　I　reached　out　for　Renesmee　as　soon　as　I　was　free。　Edward　handed　her　
to　me　without　hesitation。　

〃I　can't　understand；〃　Jasper　said。　〃I　can't　bear　this。〃　

I　watched　in　surprise　as　Jasper　strode　out　the　back　door。　Leah　moved　to　give　him　a　wide　margin　of　
space　as　he　paced　to　the　river　and　then　launched　himself　over　it　in　one　bound。　

Renesmee　touched　my　neck；　repeating　the　scene　of　departure　right　back；　like　an　instant　replay。　I　could　
feel　the　question　in　her　thought；　an　echo　of　mine。　

I　was　already　over　the　shock　of　her　odd　little　gift。　It　seemed　an　entirely　natural　part　of　her；　almost　to　be　

expected。　Maybe　now　that　I　was　part　of　the　supernatural　myself；　I　would　never　be　a　skeptic　again。　

But　what　was　wrong　with　Jasper？　

〃He'll　be　back；〃　Edward　said；　whether　to　me　or　Renesmee；　I　wasn't　sure。　〃He　just　needs　a　moment　
alone　to　readjust　his　perspective　on　life。〃　There　was　a　grin　threatening　at　the　corners　of　his　mouth。　

Another　human　memory—Edward　telling　me　that　Jasper　would　feel　better　about　himself　if　I　〃had　a　hard　
time　adjusting〃　to　being　a　vampire。　This　was　in　the　context　of　a　discussion　about　how　many　people　I　
would　kill　my　first　newborn　year。　

〃Is　he　mad　at　me？〃　I　asked　quietly。　

Edward's　eyes　widened。　〃No。　Why　would　he　be？〃　

〃What's　the　matter　with　him；　then？〃　

〃He's　upset　with　himself；　not　you；　Bella。　He's　worrying　about。。。　selffulfilling　prophecy；　I　suppose　you　
could　say。〃　




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〃How　so？〃　Carlisle　asked　before　I　could。　

〃He's　wondering　if　the　newborn　madness　is　really　as　difficult　as　we've　always　thought；　or　if；　with　the　right　
focus　and　attitude；　anyone　could　do　as　well　as　Bella。　Even　now—perhaps　he　only　has　such　difficulty　
because　he　believes　it's　natural　and　unavoidable。　Maybe　if　he　expected　more　of　himself；　he　would　rise　to　
those　expectations。　You're　making　him　question　a　lot　of　deeprooted　assumptions；　Bella。〃　

〃But　that's　unfair；〃　Carlisle　said。　〃Everyone　is　different；　everyone　has　their　own　challenges。　Perhaps　what　
Bella　is　doing　goes　beyond　the　natural。　Maybe　this　is　her　gift；　so　to　speak。〃　

I　froze　with　surprise。　Renesmee　felt　the　change；　and　touched　me。　She　remembered　the　last　second　of　
time　and　wondered　why。　

〃That's　an　interesting　theory；　and　quite　plausible；〃　Edward　said。　

For　a　tiny　space；　I　was　disappointed。　What？　No　magic　visions；　no　formidable　offensive　abilities　like；　oh；　
shooting　lightning　bolts　from　my　eyes　or　something？　Nothing　helpful　or　cool　at　all？　

And　then　I　realized　what　that　might　mean；　if　my　〃superpower〃　was　no　more　than　exceptional　selfcontrol。　

For　one　thing；　at　least　I　had　a　gift。　It　could　have　been　nothing。　

But；　much　more　than　that；　if　Edward　was　right；　then　I　could　skip　right　over　the　part　I'd　feared　the　very　
most。　

What　if　I　didn't　have　to　be　a　newborn？　Not　in　the　crazed　killingmachine　sense；　anyway。　What　if　I　could　
fit　right　in　with　the　Cullens　from　my　first　day？　What　if　we　didn't　have　to　hide　out　somewhere　remote　for　a　
year　while　I　〃grew　up〃？　What　if；　like　Carlisle；　I　never　killed　a　single　person？　What　if　I　could　be　a　good　
vampire　right　away？　

I　could　see　Charlie。　

I　sighed　as　soon　as　reality　filtered　through　hope。　I　couldn't　see　Charlie　right　away。　The　eyes；　the　voice；　
the　perfected　face。　What　could　I　possibly　say　to　him；　how　could　I　even　begin？　I　was　furtively　glad　that　I　
had　some　excuses　for　putting　things　off　for　a　while；　as　much　as　I　wanted　to　find　some　way　to　keep　
Charlie　in　my　life；　I　was　terrified　of　that　first　meeting。　Seeing　his　eyes　pop　as　he　took　in　my　new　face；　my　
new　skin。　Knowing　that　he　was　frightened。　Wondering　what　dark　explanation　would　form　in　his　head。　

I　was　chicken　enough　to　wait　for　a　year　while　my　eyes　cooled。　And　here　I'd　thought　I　would　be　so　
fearless　when　I　was　indestructible。　

〃Have　you　ever　seen　an　equivalent　to　selfcontrol　as　a　talent？〃　Edward　asked　Carlisle。　〃Do　you　really　
think　that's　a　gift；　or　just　a　product　of　all　her　preparation？〃　

Carlisle　shrugged；　'it's　slightly　similar　to　what　Siobhan　has　always　been　able　to　do；　though　she　wouldn't　
call　it　a　

gift。〃　

〃Siobhan；　your　friend　in　that　Irish　coven？〃　Rosalie　asked。　1　wasn't　aware　that　she　did　anything　special。　I　
thought　



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it　was　Maggie　who　was　talented　in　that　bunch。〃　

〃Yes；　Siobhan　thinks　the　same。　But　she　has　this　way　of　deciding　her　goals　and　then　almost。。。　willing　
them　into　reality。　She　considers　it　good　planning；　but　I've　always　wondered　if　it　was　something　more。　
When　she　included　Maggie；　for　instance。　Liam　was　very　territorial；　but　Siobhan　wanted　it　to　work　out；　
and　so　it　did。〃　

Edward；　Carlisle；　and　Rosalie　settled　into　chairs　as　they　continued　with　the　discussion。　Jacob　sat　next　to　
Seth　protectively；　looking　bored。　From　the　way　his　eyelids　drooped；　I　was　sure　he'd　be　unconscious　
momentarily。　

I　listened；　but　my　attention　was　divided。　Renesmee　was　still　telling　me　about　her　day。　I　held　her　by　the　
window　wall；　my　arms　rocking　her　automatically　as　we　stared　into　each　other's　eyes。　

I　realized　that　the　others　had　no　reason　for　sitting　down。　I　was　perfectly　fortable　standing。　It　was　just　
as　restful　as　stretching　out　on　a　bed　would　be。　I　knew　I　would　be　able　to　stand　like　this　for　a　week　
without　moving　and　I　would　feel　just　as　relaxed　at　the　end　of　the　seven　days　as　I　did　at　the　beginning。　

They　must　sit　out　of　habit。　Humans　would　notice　someone　standing　for　hours　without　ever　shifting　her　
weight　to　a　different　foot。　Even　now；　I　saw　Rosalie　brush　her　fingers　against　her　hair　and　Carlisle　cross　
his　legs。　Little　motions　to　keep　from　being　too　still；　too　much　a　vampire。　I　would　have　to　pay　attention　to　
what　they　did　and　start　practicing。　

I　rolled　my　weight　back　to　my　left　leg。　It　felt　kind　of　silly。　

Maybe　they　were　just　trying　to　give　me　a　little　alone　time　with　my　baby—as　alone　as　was　safe。　

Renesmee　told　me　about　every　minute　happening　of　the　day；　and　I　got　the　feeling　from　the　tenor　of　her　
little　stories　that　she　wanted　me　to　know　her　every　bit　as　much　I　wanted　the　same　thing。　It　worried　her　
that　I　had　missed　things—like　the　sparrows　that　had　hopped　closer　and　closer　when　Jacob　had　held　her；　
both　of　them　very　still　beside　one　of　the　big　hemlocks；　the　birds　wouldn't　e　close　to　Rosalie。　Or　the　
outrageously　icky　white　stuff—baby　formula—that　Carlisle　had　put　in　her　cup；　it　smelled　like　sour　dirt。　
Or　the　song　Edward　had　crooned　to　her　that　was　so　perfect　Renesmee　played　it　for　me　twice；　I　was　
surprised　that　I　was　in　the　background　of　that　memory；　perfectly　motionless　but　looking　fairly　battered　
still。　I　shuddered；　remembering　that　time　from　my　own　perspective。　The　hideous　fire。。。　

After　almost　an　hour—the　others　were　still　deeply　absorbed　in　their　discussion；　Seth　and　Jacob　snoring　
in　harmony　on　the　couch—Renesmee's　memory　stories　began　to　slow。　They　got　slightly　blurry　around　the　
edges　and　drifted　out　of　focus　before　they　came　to　their　conclusions。　I　was　about　to　interrupt　Edward　in　
a　panic—was　there　something　wrong　with　her？—when　her　eyelids　fluttered　and　closed。　She　yawned；　her　
plump　pink　lips　stretching　into　a　

round　O；　and　her　eyes　never　reopened。　

Her　hand　fell　away　from　my　face　as　she　drifted　to　sleep—the　backs　of　her　eyelids　were　the　pale　
lavender　color　of　thin　clouds　before　the　sunrise。　Careful　not　to　disturb　her；　I　lifted　that　hand　back　to　my　
skin　and　held　it　there　curiously。　At　first　there　was　nothing；　and　then；　after　a　few　minutes；　a　flickering　of　
colors　like　a　handful　of　butterflies　were　scattering　from　her　thoughts。　

Mesmerized；　I　watched　her　dreams。　There　was　no　sense　to　it。　Just　colors　and　shapes　an