3 eclipse月食-第45章

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the　year　mark；　and　she　wanted　to　act　while　we　were　strong。　
“There　were　six　of　us　when　I　joined　Maria’s　band。　She　added　four　more　within　a　fortnight。　We　were　all　
male　—　Maria　wanted　soldiers　—　and　that　made　it　slightly　more　difficult　to　keep　from　fighting　amongst　
ourselves。　I　fought　my　first　battles　against　my　new　rades　in　arms。　I　was　quicker　than　the　others；　better　at　
bat。　Maria　was　pleased　with　me；　though　put　out　that　she　had　to　keep　replacing　the　ones　I　destroyed。　I　
was　rewarded　often；　and　that　made　me　stronger。　
“Maria　was　a　good　judge　of　character。　She　decided　to　put　me　in　charge　of　the　others　—　as　if　I　were　being　
promoted。　It　suited　my　nature　exactly。　The　casualties　went　down　dramatically；　and　our　numbers　swelled　to　
hover　around　twenty。　
“This　was　considerable　for　the　cautious　times　we　lived　in。　My　ability；　as　yet　undefined；　to　control　the　
emotional　atmosphere　around　me　was　vitally　effective。　We　soon　began　to　work　together　in　a　way　that　
newborn　vampires　had　never　cooperated　before。　Even　Maria；　tie；　and　Lucy　were　able　to　work　together　
more　easily。　
“Maria　grew　quite　fond　of　me　—　she　began　to　depend　upon　me。　And；　in　some　ways；　I　worshipped　the　
ground　she　walked　on。　I　had　no　idea　that　any　other　life　was　possible。　Maria　told　us　this　was　the　way　things　
were；　and　we　believed。　
“She　asked　me　to　tell　her　when　my　brothers　and　I　were　ready　to　fight；　and　I　was　eager　to　prove　myself。　I　
pulled　together　an　army　of　twentythree　in　the　end　—　twentythree　unbelievably　strong　new　vampires；　
organized　and　skilled　as　no　others　before。　Maria　was　ecstatic。　
“We　crept　down　toward　Monterrey；　her　former　home；　and　she　unleashed　us　on　her　enemies。　They　had　
only　nine　newborns　at　the　time；　and　a　pair　of　older　vampires　controlling　them。　We　took　them　down　more　
easily　than　Maria　could　believe；　losing　only　four　in　the　process。　It　was　an　unheardof　margin　of　victory。　
“And　we　were　well　trained。　We　did　it　without　attracting　notice。　The　city　changed　hands　without　any　human　
being　aware。　
“Success　made　Maria　greedy。　It　wasn’t　long　before　she　began　to　eye　other　cities。　That　first　year；　she　
extended　her　control　to　cover　most　of　Texas　and　northern　Mexico。　Then　the　others　came　from　the　South　to　
dislodge　her。”　
He　brushed　two　fingers　along　the　faint　pattern　of　scars　on　his　arm。　
“The　fighting　was　intense。　Many　began　to　worry　that　the　Volturi　would　return。　Of　the　original　twentythree；　
I　was　the　only　one　to　survive　the　first　eighteen　months。　We　both　won　and　lost。　tie　and　Lucy　turned　on　
Maria　eventually　—　but　that　one　we　won。　
“Maria　and　I　were　able　to　hold　on　to　Monterrey。　It　quieted　a　little；　though　the　wars　continued。　The　idea　of　
conquest　was　dying　out；　it　was　mostly　vengeance　and　feuding　now。　So　many　had　lost　their　partners；　and　that　is　
something　our　kind　does　not　forgive。　。　。　。　
“Maria　and　I　always　kept　a　dozen　or　so　newborns　ready。　They　meant　little　to　us　—　they　were　pawns；　they　
were　disposable。　When　they　outgrew　their　usefulness；　we　did　dispose　of　them。　My　life　continued　in　the　same　
violent　pattern　and　the　years　passed。　I　was　sick　of　it　all　for　a　very　long　time　before　anything　changed　。　。　。　
“Decades　later；　I　developed　a　friendship　with　a　newborn　who’d　remained　useful　and　survived　his　first　
three　years；　against　the　odds。　His　name　was　Peter。　I　liked　Peter；　he　was　。　。　。　civilized　—　I　suppose　that’s　the　
right　word。　He　didn’t　enjoy　the　fight；　though　he　was　good　at　it。　
“He　was　assigned　to　deal　with　the　newborns　—　babysit　them；　you　could　say。　It　was　a　fulltime　job。　
“And　then　it　was　time　to　purge　again。　The　newborns　were　outgrowing　their　strength；　they　were　due　to　be　
replaced。　Peter　was　supposed　to　help　me　dispose　of　them。　We　took　them　aside　individually；　you　see；　one　by　
one　。　。　。　It　was　always　a　very　long　night。　This　time；　he　tried　to　convince　me　that　a　few　had　potential；　but　Maria　
had　instructed　that　we　get　rid　of　them　all。　I　told　him　no。　
“We　were　about　halfway　through；　and　I　could　feel　that　it　was　taking　a　great　toll　on　Peter。　I　was　trying　to　
decide　whether　or　not　I　should　send　him　away　and　finish　up　myself　as　I　called　out　the　next　victim。　To　my　
surprise；　he　was　suddenly　angry；　furious。　I　braced　for　whatever　his　mood　might　foreshadow　—　he　was　a　good　

fighter；　but　he　was　never　a　match　for　me。　
　“The　newborn　I’d　summoned　was　a　female；　just　past　her　year　mark。　Her　name　was　Charlotte。　His　feelings　
changed　when　she　came　into　view；　they　gave　him　away。　He　yelled　for　her　to　run；　and　he　bolted　after　her。　I　
could　have　pursued　them；　but　I　didn’t。　I　felt　。　。　。　averse　to　destroying　him。　
　“Maria　was　irritated　with　me　for　that　。　。　。　
　“Five　years　later；　Peter　snuck　back　for　me。　He　picked　a　good　day　to　arrive。　
　“Maria　was　mystified　by　my　everdeteriorating　frame　of　mind。　She’d　never　felt　a　moment’s　depression；　
and　I　wondered　why　I　was　different。　I　began　to　notice　a　change　in　her　emotions　when　she　was　near　me　—　
sometimes　there　was　fear　。　。　。　and　malice　—　the　same　feelings　that　had　given　me　advance　warning　when　tie　
and　Lucy　struck。　I　was　preparing　myself　to　destroy　my　only　ally；　the　core　of　my　existence；　when　Peter　
returned。　
　“Peter　told　me　about　his　new　life　with　Charlotte；　told　me　about　options　I’d　never　dreamed　I　had。　In　five　
years；　they’d　never　had　a　fight；　though　they’d　met　many　others　in　the　north。　Others　who　could　coexist　without　
the　constant　mayhem。　
　“In　one　conversation；　he　had　me　convinced。　I　was　ready　to　go；　and　somewhat　relieved　I　wouldn’t　have　to　
kill　Maria。　I’d　been　her　panion　for　as　many　years　as　Carlisle　and　Edward　have　been　together；　yet　the　
bond　between　us　was　nowhere　near　as　strong。　When　you　live　for　the　fight；　for　the　blood；　the　relationships　you　
form　are　tenuous　and　easily　broken。　I　walked　away　without　a　backward　glance。　
　“I　traveled　with　Peter　and　Charlotte　for　a　few　years；　getting　the　feel　of　this　new；　more　peaceful　world。　But　
the　depression　didn’t　fade。　I　didn’t　understand　what　was　wrong　with　me；　until　Peter　noticed　that　it　was　always　
worse　after　I’d　hunted。　
　“I　contemplated　that。　In　so　many　years　of　slaughter　and　carnage；　I’d　lost　nearly　all　of　my　humanity。　I　was　
undeniably　a　nightmare；　a　monster　of　the　grisliest　kind。　Yet　each　time　I　found　another　human　victim；　I　would　
feel　a　faint　prick　of　remembrance　for　that　other　life。　Watching　their　eyes　widen　in　wonder　at　my　beauty；　I　could　
see　Maria　and　the　others　in　my　head；　what　they　had　looked　like　to　me　the　last　night　that　I　was　Jasper　
Whitlock。　It　was　stronger　for　me　—　this　borrowed　memory　—　than　it　was　for　anyone　else；　because　I　could　
feel　everything　my　prey　was　feeling。　And　I　lived　their　emotions　as　I　killed　them。　
　“You’ve　experienced　the　way　I　can　manipulate　the　emotions　around　myself；　Bella；　but　I　wonder　if　you　
realize　how　the　feelings　in　a　room　affect　me。　I　live　every　day　in　a　climate　of　emotion。　For　the　first　century　of　my　
life；　I　lived　in　a　world　of　bloodthirsty　vengeance。　Hate　was　my　constant　panion。　It　eased　some　when　I　left　
Maria；　but　I　still　had　to　feel　the　horror　and　fear　of　my　prey。　
　“It　began　to　be　too　much。　
　“The　depression　got　worse；　and　I　wandered　away　from　Peter　and　Charlotte。　Civilized　as　they　were；　they　
didn’t　feel　the　same　aversion　I　was　beginning　to　feel。　They　only　wanted　peace　from　the　fight。　I　was　so　wearied　
by　killing　—　killing　anyone；　even　mere　humans。　
　“Yet　I　had　to　keep　killing。　What　choice　did　I　have？　I　tried　to　kill　less　often；　but　I　would　get　too　thirsty　and　
I　would　give　in。　After　a　century　of　instant　gratification；　I　found　selfdiscipline　。　。　。　challenging。　I　still　haven’t　
perfected　that。”　
　Jasper　was　lost　in　the　story；　as　was　I。　It　surprised　me　when　his　desolate　expression　smoothed　into　a　
peaceful　smile。　
　“I　was　in　Philadelphia。　There　was　a　storm；　and　I　was　out　during　the　day　—　something　I　was　not　
pletely　fortable　with　yet。　I　knew　standing　in　the　rain　would　attract　attention；　so　I　ducked　into　a　little　
halfempty　diner。　My　eyes　were　dark　enough　that　no　one　would　notice　them；　though　this　meant　I　was　thirsty；　
and　that　worried　me　a　little。　
　“She　was　there　—　expecting　me；　naturally。”　He　chuckled　once。　“She　hopped　down　from　the　high　stool　at　
the　counter　as　soon　as　I　walked　in　and　came　directly　toward　me。　
　“It　shocked　me。　I　was　not　sure　if　she　meant　to　attack。　That’s　the　only　interpretation　of　her　behavior　my　
past　had　to　offer。　But　she　was　smiling。　And　the　emotions　that　were　emanating　from　her　were　like　nothing　I’d　
ever　felt　before。　
　“‘You’ve　kept　me　waiting　a　long　time；’　she　said。”　
　I　didn’t　realize　Alice　had　e　to　stand　behind　me　again。　
　“And　you　ducked　your　head；　like　a　good　Southern　gentleman；　and　said；　‘I’m　sorry；　ma’am。’”　Alice　

laughed　at　the　memory。　
　Jasper　smiled　down　at　her。　“You　held　out　your　hand；　and　I　took　it　without　stopping　to　make　sense　of　what　
I　was　doing。　For　the　first　time　in　almost　a　century；　I　felt　hope。”　
　Jasper　took　Alice’s　hand　as　he　spoke。　
　Alice　grinned。　“I　was　just　relieved。　I　thought　you　were　never　going　to　show　up。”　
　They　smiled　at　each　other　for　a　long　moment；　and　then　Jasper　looked　back　to　me；　the　soft　expression　
lingering。　
　“Alice　told　me　what　she’d　seen　of　Carlisle　and　his　family。